Memories
by Lucey
Summary: COMPLETE Cordelia gets angry with Angel and he loses his memory
1. Default Chapter

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Memories

By: Lucey

E-mail: littlelucey@web.de

Disclaimer: they´re still not mine :o(

Rating: this part is PG-13 but there will be NC-17 coming soon

Pairing: B/R (for so long), B/A (soon), W/T, X/A

Distribution: please ask me if you want to

Synopsis: after BtVS Hush/ AtS Parting gifts, Cordelia gets angry with Angel an causes some unexpected events

Note: I hope there are no faults, but if you find some, blame it on me! *g*

Note2: It all started with the idea that somebody should hit Angel...*g*

Dedication: To Bee :o) I don´t know who came up with the idea, but I know you´ll like the result, to Hannah and Chris because a little violence might please them, and last but not least to Netti for beta-reading and for everithing else, you´re sweet :o)

Feedback: oh please! :o)

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Part 1

Cordelia Chase looked at him in disbelieve."So, that was it?", she asked.

"I guess.", Angel said hesitating.

"You just told me, that Doyle came to you in a dream to tell you, that your soul is permanent?"

"I´m not sure if it was really a dream. But he told me, that it was kind of a "parting gift",Angel wasn´t sure whether he should believe it himself.

"And you´re sure about what he said?", Wesley opened his mouth for the first time after Angel had finished his little story. "I mean, can you sense it?"

"I´m not sure", Angel replied softly. Thousands of thoughts screaming in his head. His soul was permanent. He had hoped for that for too long to really believe it. Still, he was trying to get things straight. Doyle had suddenly stood in his apartement. Telling him not to be sorry, that he was happy where he was now. And telling him, that he had talked to the Powers That Be, and they had granted him his wish. What did he say exactly? Angel tried to recall the little speech. That he, Doyle, had felt so miserable watching Angel suffer after the day that wasn´t. The day he had all he ever wanted and the day he had tried to forget. Doyle had said that he reported what the Mohra had said to the Powers and had convinced them that it was cruel of them to let two of their greatest warriors suffer like that. Sure, he couldn´t have humanity. But, if he had his soul back permanently, he could still be with Buffy. Together they would be strong. Their love would be their greatest power.

And the powers had agreed, seeing the truth behind Doyle´s argument and they had chosen him to deliver the message to Angel.

"Ok. When are you gonna tell her?", Cordelia´s voice interrupted his thoughts.

"What?", Angel and Wesley replied unison.

"Hello! Buffy. When are you gonna tell Buffy?", she repeated impatiently.

"What does this have to do with Buffy?", Wesley did not seem to get it.

"Men! His soul is permanent! So why is there any reason to not be with her? I know you have Buffy-face every day since she showed up weeks ago", she pointed towards Angel."And now, you can do whatever you like. Not that I want to know about it!"

"No.", Angel said. 

Cordelia went on for a few seconds but then realized what he´d just said.

"What? What do you mean, no?", she stared at Angel.

"I´m not going to tell her."

"But why not? Now that you...", she couldn´t believe it.

"It´s not fair. She has her own life now. I don´t want her to give it up.", he tried to explain. Closing his eyes, pictures of Buffy entered his mind. He opened them painfully slow.

"You´re kidding, right? Or no, you´re insane! Of course she would be happy about it!", Cordelia held back the impulse to shake her boss.

"Maybe, but maybe, she doesn´t want me to bring trouble into her life again. I don´t want her to feel obligated."

"Wesley! Help me!", the former cheerleader shouted. "How can he be so stubborn?"

"I´m sure, he has his reasons...", the ex-watcher replied.

"Reasons? Are you kidding? They have been all into each other for more than 3 years. I´ve seen it. And reason was one thing I didn´t see very often around them. He loves her! What´s holding him back?"

With that she turned to Angel again.

"I wish somebody just hit him!", she shouted. "You know, if I were Buffy and I´d discover that you did not tell me, I´d hit you! Like that.."

She swung her arm back and hit him. Not really hard, but hard enough to push him from the corner of his desk, sending him on the floor. He had no chance to react before his head hit the ground and drifted into unconsciousness.

To be continued


	2. Missing

By: Lucey

E-mail: littlelucey@web.de

Disclaimer: they´re still not mine

Rating: still PG-13

Pairing: still a bit B/R, B/A (soon!!), X/A

Distribution: if you want to ;o)

Synopsis: Cordelia got angry with Angel and hit him, causes some trouble

Feedback: yes please :o)

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Part 2

Angel moaned as he gained consciousness again. His head hurt. And he was laying on the ground, he realized. Slowly he opened his eyes. Where was he?

He looked in two concerned faces. 

"Duh, I said it wouldn´t last long."the female sent a triumphant look to the male beside her. "Angel, can you here me?"

He opened his eyes fully. 

"Cordelia?", he managed to ask in disbelieve. Why was Cordelia staring at him? 

"Yeah, it´s me!", she sighed with relief. "Are you ok?"

Angel was going to doubt that. His was aching, but that would pass. Something different was terribly wrong.

"Where´s Buffy?", he asked, realizing that he couldn´t see her anywhere.

"Buffy? What do you think? That she can fly?", Cordelia mocked.

"Where is she?", Angel asked more worried.

"She´s in Sunnydale Angel, remember?", the male asked him, worried.

"Who are you?"

"So you don´t remember Wesley?", Cordelia asked doubtfully. "Or going to L.A.? That this is your office?"

"No.", he shook his head. What was this? Where was Buffy? And what was Cordelia telling him?

"So, what is the last thing you remember then?", Wesley thought it might be better to start it the other way round.

"I remember being with Buffy. We went on patrol last night. And then...", we were almost kissing again, he thought, but did not say. He missed her. And he wanted to see her. Now.

"I want to see her.", he uttered his last thought aloud.

"What? But you can´t drive! You´re hurt!", Cordelia protested.

"So I guess one of you has to do it", Angel stated, leaving no room for an argument. "And on the way you can tell me what the hell is going on here! Like where I am and what you did to Buffy."

"Ok, boss...",Cordelia muttered silently. Maybe it wasn´t such a good idea to argue with him. Should Buffy deal with it later. 

"Sunnyhell, here we come..."

She couldn´t hold him back in the car any longer as they finally arrived in Sunnydale. It was Friday night and the people they were searching for should be at he Bronze, Cordelia recalled. She felt a bit uncomfortable, but remembering, that it was more or less her fault, Angel had lost his memory, she felt guilty. They had filled him in as good as they could on the way, but he had been unwilling to really believe them and kept complaining that somebody had hurt Buffy to take her from him.

Cordelia fought hard to keep up with him, while Wesley had agreed to wait at Giles´ until they had found Buffy. He pushed the door of the Bronze wide open, a mixture of fear and impatience on his face. Scanning the room he could immediatly sense that she was there. But where? At least she was ok, he sighed with relief.

"Look there´s Willow!", Cordelia pointed to one of the tables. And true. She was sitting there, talking to a blonde guy, while Xander and another girl seemed to argue. But where was Buffy? Angel worked his way through the crowd when he became aware of her. She stood beside the table, placing a few glasses on it. God, she looked beautiful. He took an uneeded breath. Somehow she seemed thin and her hair was longer than he remembered, but nevertheless magnificent.

Suddenly she turned around when Xander pointed at Angel, disbelieve in her eyes. But then they lit up and she smiled at him, while he closed the last few steps between them.

He crushed her to him, embracing her, sighing with relief as he closed his eyes and kissed her crown. 

"Buffy. Thank God your ok.", he whispered in her ear. First she leaned into his embrace, but then she surprised him and stepped back.

"Angel? Is everything allright?", she asked doubtfully.

He looked at her puzzled, as Cordelia arrived at his side. 

"Hi. Good question. The answer is no.", she said, trying to avoid Xander´s gaze.

"What´s wrong with him?", Buffy asked worried.

"Oh no, he isn´t evil again?", Xander shouted, earning glares from Buffy, Angel and Willow.

"It´s a long story.", Cordelia started, but got interrupted by the blonde guy at the table.

"Buffy? Honey, who is this?", Riley Finn asked angrily.

To be continued...


	3. Confusion

By: Lucey

E-mail: littlelucey@web.de

Disclaimer: they are not mine...:o(

Rating: maybe R??

Pairing: B/R (still), B/A (finally, yay), X/A

Distribution:if you want to...ask me :o)

Dedication: To Netti :o) Thanks for the superrant! What would I do without you?

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Part 3 Confusion 

"And then he lost his memory?", Giles asked again, twisting his glasses between his fingers. The small group in his living room was silent. There were indeed some news for everyone.

"Not his complete memory", Wesley answered." He rather seems to have forgotten large parts of the last year."

"So what do you remember then?", Xander asked, facing Angel who had been placed next to Buffy, refusing to let her alone for a second.

Angel glanced at Buffy before he faced Xander, as if he was searching for assurance in her eyes.

"Mmh, I remember you being angry with us, after you saw us, uhm... kissing in the mansion. This other watcher was evil... I saved Willow. Uhm...I remember Spike coming to Sunnydale, kidnapping you and Willow. I haven´t talked to Giles yet, after...", he shifted uncomfortably. 

"And I remember Buffy...", he faced her, watching the concern on her face. All he wanted to do was kiss her and make it go away. But the other guy was holding her hand, he realized with anger.

She had tried to explain part of the events to Riley on the way, but with Angel by her side she had skipped a more detailed description. He had asked her over and over if she was ok, not getting which truck was running him over at the moment.

She smiled at him encouraging, wanting him to continue, even if she knew how hard it had to be for him, part of his memory lost, seeing her with Riley... It wasn´t easy for her as well, seeing him again, realizing that her legs still went wobbly at the sight of him, butterflies in her stomach and – holding Riley´s hand.

Seeing the confusion and pain in Angel´s eyes, all she wanted to was kiss it away, hold him tight and never let him go again. But all she did was digging into his deep brown eyes, hoping he would read in hers what she still felt for him.

Cordelia realized the both staring at each other and continued her explanation. The others had already questioned her a lot, but Giles seemed to have some more. Besides, she loved being in the center of everyone's attention. Well, not everyone's, Angel and Buffy seemed to be busy with themselves, and this girl, Anya?, kept complaining that she was bored, but everyone else seemed to listen carefully.

"Buffy?", Angel asked softly, feeling all eyes snapping on him instantly.

"Yeah?", she detached her hand from Riley´s, laid in on his and smiled at him assuring.

"Can I speak to you for a moment? In private ?", he begged her.

"Sure. We can go outside." she offered, glad to escape the tension inside the room.

Both headed towards the door.

"Buffy...", Riley started. He did not like her going away with this guy. Alone. He did not like him. Even if everyone else here seemed to like him. Buffy had been completely different from the moment he showed up. She barely noticed him and she seemed to glow in a way that he had never seen on her before.

"It´s ok Riley. It´s just for a moment.", she told him with a weak smile. Then she opened the door.

"I´m sorry.", Angel started as they sat down on one of the benches outside.

"But it´s ok, Angel. I´m fine with it. And you don´t have to be sorry. You need help.", she replied quietly.

"I thought you were in danger.", he smiled at her.

"And you did not believe Cordelia.", she returned his smile.

"I didn´t want to disturb you. I don´t remember, but it seems like we´ve split up", he went on hoarsely.

"You left me.", she avoided his eyes. "But it´s ok, I mean I can deal with it."

"I can´t", he finally admitted. He shifted a bit to look in her face. 

"I don´t remember leaving you. I can´t think of any reason ever leaving you. I know what happened between us is complicated, but I know that we can deal. And..."

"And what?", she forced him to go on, a bit frightened hearing his response, but captured again by his large brown eyes.

"And... I love you.", he whispered. "I tried not to but I can´t stop. I know that we can´t be together, but I can´t live without you..."

He stopped as he realized she was crying. 

"Shhh, love", he slowly caressed her cheek. 

"What is it?", he asked worried.

"I love you, too. I tried to forget. I know we can´t be together, too. I tried to live without you. I even have...But when I see you there are all these feelings and my first thought is to run into your arms and..."

He finished her sentence with doing the only thing he had in mind for hours. He pulled her into his arms and shut her lips with a kiss. First she tensed, but then she kissed him back deeply. She moved even closer and started to nibble at his lower lip as his tongue begged for entrance which she granted him instantly. Both were awash in the simple feeling of their contact, unable to get everywhere they wanted to be so badly. Their tongues were dueling in an endless dance, caressing, nibbling, tasting the other.

"What the hell is going on here?" a sharp voice interrupted them.

Both panted heavily when she finally broke the kiss, slowly opening her eyes, realizing what they´d just done. 

"Oh god." she sounded shocked. "Riley..."

"Don´t waste your time. I´ve seen enough. You seem pretty busy, so just call me, if you´re no longer occupied with sucking the face of your ex-lover.", he spat out, before he stormed off, leaving the startled slayer alone, staring at Angel in disbelief.

To be continued :o)


	4. Missed Details

By: Lucey

E-mail: littlelucey@web.de

Disclaimer: still not me!

Rating: PG-13 I guess...

Pairing: B/A (yay!!), X/A

Dedication: to all the nice people sending me feedback :o), and of course to Netti (for no special reason this time) :o))

Feedback: PLEASE!!!!! :o)

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Part 4

After they had rearranged their clothes, Buffy wiped the tears from her cheeks. Riley was gone, but suddenly she did not really care. She smiled softly at Angel as he pulled her up and headed towards the door. Later they could still discuss what just happened between them.

Apparently they hadn´t missed anything, Cordelia still reported the part where they´d realized that Angel had lost some of his memory.

"We all know that now, Cordy", Xander started to get impatient. Maybe he should go outside himself for a while, he thought, while he watched Buffy sitting close to Angel on the couch again. Why were her cheeks suddenly flushed?, he started to wonder. 

"Wait. Cordelia, we all know the story, believe me. But what you haven´t told us is WHY you hit him.", Willow suddenly raised her voice, sounding a bit annoyed.

Everybody's eyes turned to Cordelia instantly.

"I hit him because our stubborn friend here", she pointed towards Angel, "refused to tell his princess", she pointed towards Buffy now, "that the damned curse, that caused all their trouble, is finally gone."

"WHAT???", Buffy and Angel shouted unison, staring at Cordelia and then at each other.

"Can you say that again?", Xander repeated.

"His soul is permanent. Long story. Thought I mentioned it."

"*No* you *didn´t*", Giles shook his head. All this trouble because she had just "forgotten" to tell them the most important detail. He looked towards Buffy, only to find that she was still staring at Angel. Both seemed frozen by what they´d just learned, too many thoughts running through their heads at the same time. One could almost see the wheels turning in their heads.

"Is it true?", she asked doubtfully, tears welling up in her eyes again.

"I don´t know.", he had to admit.

It was Anya who cut the silence that had suddenly fallen over the room. Nobody wanted to disturb the couple that was still looking at each other in silence. But their looks had changed from doubtful into something very different. Buffy´s cheeks were flushed deep red and Angel twisted his fingers.

"So you hit him and he lost his memory. Got that. So why don´t you hit him again and we go all home then?"

"Anya!", Xander pushed his girlfriend in the rips.

"Again? Oh no, there´s no way I´m hitting him again.", Cordelia protested.

"It´ll be ok, I´ll heal fast", Angel interfered in the quarrel.

"What? In no way I´ll let her hit you again.", Buffy protested.

"Maybe the idea isn´t so bad.", Willow admitted." We could reconstruct the situation."

"Ok. He was sitting on the edge of his desk like...", Cordelia arranged Angel on Giles´ desk, "...that."

Buffy sent her a look that said nothing friendly.

"I was standing here, turning to Wesley and then just...bang.", she repeated the movement she did hours before. She struck him straight in the face, sending him towards the floor again.

"Are you crazy?", Buffy shouted at her before she knelt down beside Angel. "You knocked him unconscious again!" 

She swore to herself if anything had happened to him she would show Cordelia what one single strike could do to a nose.

As Angel gained consciousness again, he had the strongest déja vu of his life. His head hurt, but was somehow placed on softer ground. When he opened his eyes, he saw many faces staring at him. Cordelia, Wesley, Giles, Willow, Xander and Anya were watching him carefully.

"Buffy?", he asked worried. Where was she?

"I´m here", she replied, kneeling beside him, touching his cheek. She looked worried. "Are you ok?"

"My head aches a bit,", he admitted. But then he started to remember...

"Angel?", she asked him, fear in her voice. 

"What do you remember?"

He closed his eyes for a second, millions of pictures flooding his mind, and then smiled at her. "I remember everything." 

When he saw tears welling up in her face he pressed her hand encouraging. 

"I´m fine."

Still not the end! :o)


	5. Finally

By:Lucey

E-mail: littlelucey@web.de

Disclaimer: I don´t own them...

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: B/A :o)

Distribution: please just ask me first

Dedication: To Netti for the beta-job and our endless discussions, to Hannah Bee, please continue writing!

Feedback: yes, please!!! 

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Part 5

Cordelia sighed with relief over and over again. Finally everything was all right. And they had even started to laugh about it. The headache was nearly gone and besides a few small bruises, Angel looked way better than the past few weeks.

Now everybody had started to tell little stories from Sunnydale or LA, everyone curious to hear what the others had lived through.

Everyone expect Buffy and Angel. The two were sitting on the couch again and it seemed like they´d forgotten everything around them. They were drinking the other in with hungry eyes, slightly smiling. Unnoticed their fingers had entangled and slowly started to caress each other's hands.

After a while Buffy broke the silence between them.

"Angel?", she asked softly.

"Yeah?"

"Can I speak to you for a moment? Alone?", she nodded towards the others.

"Sure", he agreed, pulling her to the door.

When they were standing outside again, Buffy turned around, but not facing him.

"Uhm, about what you said earlier", she started, her voice full of fear and doubt.

"Yeah?", he wasn´t sure what she wanted to tell him.

"I know that there were different circumstances. And I would understand if you..."

"If I´d tell you that I didn´t really mean it?", he finished.

"Yeah. We were all worried and...", she went on.

"But I meant it. Every single word.", he took her hand again.

"Buffy", he cupped her chin with his other hand, "I love you. I´ve always loved you and I hope you know that."

"I love you too", she whispered softly, looking deep into his eyes.

Once again their lips met in a long kiss. It seemed like they had never been apart. Both knew exactly what the other liked and both laid all their feelings in this one kiss. She stood on her toes to get closer to him, while he lifted her up slightly. Desire welled up between them as they allowed themselves all the feelings they had suppressed for so long, and the kiss became more passionate.

"And I want you", he forced out while they were panting, leaning into each other.

All that Buffy could do after this was to kiss him hard and fast. 

"My mom is out of town ´til Sunday. Maybe we should just test if your Irish friend is a liar.", she winked at him wickedly.

And after that both nearly ran all the way to the Summer´s house, stopping only to kiss again.

Buffy leaned against the front door, softly moaning as Angel kissed her long and deep. She searched for her key and tossed the door open, pulling him with her.

Now she giggled as he swept her into his arms and carried her up the stairs, not losing contact with her lips for a second. They came to halt in front of her door where he lowered her to the floor again.

"Are you sure you want this?", he asked her, looking deep into her eyes.

"As sure as one can be.", she smiled at him and underlined her statement with a kiss that would have made him blush, if he could.

She pulled him with her into her room where they kissed for the first time all those years ago. But now it was different. The were both grown. But their kisses hadn´t lost their passion. There was even more of it.

Softly he pushed her on the bed while she shoved off his duster. She pressed against him, feeling his arousal responding to hers. He stopped his unnecessary breath for a second as he slid down her shirt, exploring her soft skin, placing kisses on her stomach. Buffy moaned loudly and started to work with the buttons of his shirt.

"Buffy", he sighed as she slid it off and pressed against his bare chest. His hands roamed all over her body, slowly tracing their way towards her bra, caressing her already hard nipples through the fabrics. She gasped in sensation and felt like bells were ringing in her head.

Which in fact they were. She blinked and moaned in frustration as Angel stopped his attentions.

"Hold that thought.", she told him with a quick kiss an reached for the phone.

"Buffy?", the voice on the other end sounded worried.

"Willow."

"Buffy are you ok? You left a while ago and Angel´s gone too. I just wanted to check if you´re alright.", Willow asked.

Buffy had to fought hard to keep her attention on the phone while Angel traced soft lines around her belly button. 

"I´m fine.", she told her friend, smiling at her lover.

"Ok, Buffy, Giles is here he wanted to tell you..."

"Willoooohhooow", Buffy moaned as Angel started to nibble at her ear while he was playing with the waistband of her panties, "this is... kinda bad time, uuhm, tell him I´ll call tomorrow."

She could nearly see Willow blush through the phone and giggled.

"Oh. I´m... I´m sorry...Bye.", Willow just stuttered.

Angel smiled at his lover wickedly as she placed the phone beside the reciever. 

"I started thinking she was going for a long talk."

She silenced him with another kiss. Enough time had been wasted.

Quickly their other clothes were gone.

The feeling of being skin to skin again, to feel the other so close filled them with sensation. He kissed her all over, wanting to taste every inch of her. He had missed her so terribly, but now they were finally together.

She parted her legs, waiting for him. 

"Angel please", she begged, and he felt the very same.

"I want to be inside you. Now.", he moaned out. She could only nod.

Both couldn´t stand it any longer, they wanted each other so much, so badly. And so both were crying tears of joy as they became finally one. Both rocked together in a slow rhythm, wanting it to last forever. Now he was finally home, Angel thought, as he felt her around him.

And both cried out as they came over and over again. Together.

"I love you Angel.", she said, as she leaned into his embrace, slowly drifting into sleep.

"I love you.", he whispered back, as he pulled her to him.

This was heaven, Buffy thought, as she woke the next morning. Never in all these nights had she felt so save. She smiled as she felt the figure beside her shift. She knew he was looking at her. She could sense it. His hands caressed her ribcage and his lips started to kiss her shoulder. Turning her head, eyes still closed, she finally found his mouth, kissing him softly.

"I like seeing you first thing in the morning.", she whispered with a smile as she finally opened her eyes.

His smile was even brighter. 

"Happy Birthday, my love."

She smiled back at him brightly, realizing he was right. He hadn´t forgotten. And somehow, after two long years they felt perfectly happy, without fearing the consequences.

"I love you", she whispered.

"I love you too.", he replied before he started to bring every inch of her body back to life with soft, gentle kisses. It was time to celebrate, he thought while he enjoyed the sounds coming from his lover, melting into his touch.

The end :o)

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